So Much Going On

So much going on.

Not to be seen with the eyes
of others.
For to them, it looks of calm and peace.
Glittery pics of pools and sleeping dogs,
holding honey hands
and basking in a bath of plenty.

So much going on.
The going on lives inside of me.
It is made up of

Thoughts,
Questions. Certainties.
Growth. Wonder.
Loss. Pain. Art.
Stagnation. Fear.
Resolve. Decision.
Newness. Panic.
Wanting.
Unresolved creativity.
Undiscovered
everything.

So much going on.

It lies in the processing of what I do, and what I haven't. It lies in
friendships old and new.
What to keep and what to release.
Holding tight to loves gone by,
and looking at the ghostly space that they
held, but
which will never truly have gone.
To me.
It lies in the fear that I am not loved. Judged. Eyes rolling from around the world
so hard
that I feel them crash into me.

It lies in wanting to be      so      me,
so ok with being

me

that I can't even perceive
of
ugly thoughts.

It lies in wanting to know
to dig deeper
to fall with breathtaking
abandon
into

art
you
friends
spirit
deep, deep love
exotic peoples
desperate giving
breaking through self imposed lids on metaphorical jam jars
learning
dancing into dizzy amazing
shifting
adding
exploding with color joy yummy sexy fullfilled connected awe-inspiring
good.


more.
of.
me.


So          much         going          on.